RANDOM FIRING OF NEURONS

scent and flavor

2006-07-13T23:59:32Z

you know, i haven't really written anything in a while. I started reading more and more again and interestingly enough it makes me want to be more than just an audience member; perhaps contribute or something...go figure.

maybe ill finish another 30 pages tonight after the world has gone to sleep without me and the dark and quiet find time for me. or maybe ill start something new and forget every past project ive abandoned however many pages through they might be. i dont know, that seems counterproductive. nonetheless, i need to start writing more. i suck at it again.

Held to the past, too aware of the pending

2006-06-22T05:18:41Z

Mēnin aeide thea, Pēlēiadeō Akhilēos
oulomenēn, hē muri' Akhaiois alge' ethēken

there's your out.

"reading these i see"

2006-02-14T12:41:31Z

this is probably one of the better i have written and i am glad to have found it again. as self proclaimed, it still is something of relevance to me.

i guess i should be proud
that i can't recognize myself.
this mirror is old and my face has changed.
ive never been able to read the old stuff anyways,
never seemed like me.
.i guess ill just keep moving
falling in and out with what was true back then.
should be real proud that im growing
just like everything else
becoming a stranger to my heart

a tick and tock in slow salvidor dali-like ways, all over mozart

2006-02-14T11:51:58Z

hi love, i see you've withered. happy birthday.

fuck!, i think i've got it, but then-no-it's got me again.

2006-02-13T22:35:41Z

"There's something sick and dark twisting in my soul this evening. ___ knows what i'll be up against soon enough and it's still only fifty-fifty whether or not this goddamn beast inside me will strangle us all in a few hours."

is four pages an hour good enough?

claws, jagged teeth, and other gruesome truths about the way in which business is handled.

2006-02-01T21:15:08Z

and out of the monster's gut there came a roar to shake the earth. and the lake subsided, it cannot be drowned. its face suffers behind icy eyes;its forked tongue slipping white and black/day and night/ truth and all evil;in the right claw, peace, in the left, a dagger, and stone for skin.

take the reigns and steer me towards the clear

2006-01-27T19:23:35Z

twisted necks, bent back, and crooked spines. eyes (full) bloodshot, bulging, throbbing. dripping of smoke from the old draw in blow out chain through the sidewalk, across the grass and back with happiness/guilt. paranoia on the way, there and back, fear and hate and evil madness brewing. tell me how to get out, get back, and find my way back to somewhere where i'm safe and clear...i need to be comfortable in my own body again. totheuniverseidontmeanathingandtheresjustonewordistillbelieveanditslove.

---you and me, kid, we're forever.

a continuance of symptoms

2006-01-26T09:15:18Z

There's a sick and twisted bout of rage in the air tonight. Mad craziness and ultraviolence together for the ultimate orgy of confusion, complete mental dissaray, and general mindfuck. The glow of anger in me has become an unquenchible flame that's currently roaring in my gut like bad whiskey or dropping your life savings on the superbowl. My teeth are grinding, literally grinding, from the insanity lodged behind my eyes and they ache from biting, squeezing, and the destruction. The world is not alright tonight, my friends, not tonight, and maybe never again. This world is loud and out of place and i don't feel like fitting anymore...there's something stirring in my brain and through my blood and i'm it's silly, worthless, crawling, screaming, beating, furious victim struggling to regain a sense of normal decency. There's some sick fog in the air tonight, and whiskey in my belly. (to distract, to lure) fuck, i don't know... just please come home, it's lonely in my mind.

hiatus

2006-01-24T18:12:53Z

ive been on hiatus. now im back. nothings chqnged really except im 700 miles away from where i was, life has become part of life and there are camels on my desktop. oh and i think my drinking is out of hand again...,well fuck, life moves on slowly and im in no hurry so whatever.

perhaps one more?

2005-09-22T09:07:33Z

So Hunter S. Thompson's dead
and Bukowski and Poe and
Lennon and Hendrix and Morrison
and Cobain and art as far as I'm concerned.
and at the station with my bags
and a cup of coffee(that I spilled
on my best shirt) I stand
like a fool running late because
I slept through the alarms.
So with my arms up and
heart beating faster, mind racing
for excuses.

and i missed it.

Of course it couldn't be
what the pictures and books and vinyl say.
it's not how my shirt wears and
it couldn't be the way
my mind lives it.

It's like New York with
skyscrapers
parks
people
places
ideas
food
love.
but there's vomit on the sidewalk and
IT RAINS.
but it rains here too.

and another?

2005-09-22T09:00:54Z

I got a book of Chinese
and one of Japanese
love poems.
Those, i like.
but no one cares
and everytime i tell someone
they cock their heads
and say "Hey, that's great!"
or "Yeah, me too!"
so with all the lights out
except the desklamp
I dive into a Kakinamoto
and the music in the background
is John and Yoko
and Paul
even though i hate English speaking love.

If i were Bukowski, i think,
I'd have on Brahms
but i can;t hold it and i can't hold wine
so i drink beer.
but i got a book of Chinese
and one of Japanese
love poems.
Those, I like.

and I'm there at midnight
because Arizona is too far away
and I've got nothing to leave you.

a poem perhaps?

2005-09-22T08:56:38Z

"Want me to turn you on
to poetry?" I ask.

"No thanks." he says.
"We're watching a movie."

and he's right! revelation!
we're all watching a movie
and no one wants the script
and no one wants it better
unless you've got more explosions!

so now my notebook looks outdated,
dull,
and jesus, i feel stupid.

but there's a bottle of wine left.

its been a long ass time since ive posted

2005-07-03T05:43:19Z

i like this poem too much

December 24, and George McBride is Dead
by: Richard Hugo

You a gentleman and I up from the grime--
now wind has shut your dark, dark eyes
and I am left to hate this Christmas eve.
Christ, they're playing carols. Some crap
never stops. You're dead and I'm without
one goddamn Wagner record in the house
to play you up to what for some must be
behind the sky with solid orchestration.

Rest in your defeat, you stupid jerk,
so fat your heart gave out, so sweet
you couldn't help but hear the punks.
"One gulp. The whole quart, Mac." That town
you died in--so unlikely--vineyards,
sunny valleys, stark white missions
and the pale priest summoning
brown sinners from the olive grove.

I'll not know your grave, though I believe
our minds have music that can lead us
through the tangle to the lost stone of a friend.
I get along, write my poems. Essentially
a phony, I try my feelings now
and know I fail. George, it's Christmas eve
and bells are caroling. I'm in the kitchen,
fat and writing, drinking beer and shaking.

awe

2005-03-24T16:05:57Z

sugarandspice931: i love you sean, your a great kid

that made my day too

Dear Tom, Part 2

2005-03-13T04:38:49Z

Tom,
I'm taking your family
i love them

you dont deserve her or them
so now im stepping in
im making them mine, not just stephanie anymore...
im taking your family from you...
im saving them from you

i love them all too much to sit and watch this
im family now, tom, and i think its best if i take over from now on

told ya

2005-03-11T00:48:16Z

You scored as Jim Morrison.

</td>

Jim Morrison

75%

John Lennon

70%

Syd Vicious

60%

Keith Moon

58%

Jimi Hendrix

45%

Which Famous Dead musician are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

remember this?

2005-01-25T06:09:25Z

Street lamps can scatter light on the air and press down on the concrete. On a rainy night with blurred window lights and a misting sense of general boredom and existance over activity, those street lamps might not be as accurate with their duties, but they can still fulfill them. I can stand there looking up to one of those window lights at the off yellow buzz with my arms crossed and my eyes sort of squinting trying to get through that jungle of drop after drop. Not so much in desperation without a hat or soaked completely with wide eyes and a wider mouth, but more sunken with a look that says "I know you're in there" rather than "are you in there?" I can also keep my slightly hurried pace and sort of shift my eyes up towards the glowing room as I walk by. Not so much glowing with excitement or activity but with a dim, captured expression of "I'm here" to the street below as it allows its dense, yellow fog spread out into the moist air surrounding it. Or maybe I can also sit down on the porch step mostly unnoticed, not that there is anything to see, and stare off into the city with a pondering expression on my face with that yellow fly trap above me and a little to the right. Not like overpondering, but just enough to tell any other observers that my mind is calculating or deciding, not racing nor spacing out. But, anyways, either way I exist in this photo shot, I know that my expressions and my most miniscule details and wrinkles will be ignored, because the eye, as it should, is drawn to taht misty, off yellow room. This could come to mean that my actions and reactions are unnoticeable and fairly unimportant in the scheme of things, but I would rather see it another way. I am not remorseful or jealous or anything of that attention grabbing fixture, because it does its job at drawing the eye to it and away from the grey, bleek, drizzly component of the rest of the shot. So instead of abandoning my expressions, I must be in that room because I just know somehow that it is brighter once you get in and warmer, like covered in a thick, warm, dry atomsphere. Once in the room, the observer might not be able to see me, but I'll know they're looking; by staring up, shifting over to see or by pondering on the doorstep, and this was the motivation all along for me to be inside the room. It beckoned me through the cloudy, dreary day and my possible actions all drew to its ability to be what it is and pull at me to join and be inside.

observermissing @ 2005-01-06T10:58:00

2005-01-06T17:02:47Z

i stole this from thom who apparantly stole it from someone else

the "-----" means i've done it.

-----I have been drunk
-----I have beed stoned
-----I have driven while intoxicated
-----I have kissed a member of the opposite sex
-----I have kissed a member of the same sex
I crashed a friend's car
-----I rode in a taxi
-----I have been in love
-----I've shoplifted
I have been fired
-----I have cut myself on purpose
-----I have been in a fist fight
-----I've snuck out of my parent's house
-----I have been arrested
I've made out with a stranger
I've played Beer Pong

I've walked around NYC
-----I've stolen something from my job
I've celebrated New Year's in Time Square
I've gone on a blind date
I've had a crush on a teacher
I've celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
-----I have been to Europe
-----I've been sick on a major holiday
-----I've worn a hoodie to hide my dialated pupils from my parents
-----I've seen/heard a ghost or other supernatural entity
-----I've skipped school
I have thrown up in a bar
-----I have eaten sushi
I have been snowboarding
-----I have been happy with myself
I have met a movie star
-----I've punched myself in the face
-----I went to a prom
I've bungee jumped
-----I have been to a pop concert
I've witnessed the miracle of birth
-----I have dated someone for over a year
I've puked because of stress
-----I've gone a whole day without food
-----I've gone to class stoned
-----I've broken a promise to someone I really love(d)
I've tried to punch a hole through a solid wall and busted my knuckle open instead
I've cheated to get accepted into college
I've cheated to help someone else get accepted into college
-----I've cheated on a national standardized test
-----I have been in a car accident
-----I've slept in the nude
-----I've eaten cheesecake
I've been to a rave
-----I've been skinny dipping
I've had jury duty
-----I've hated someone without knowing them
-----I've vandalized government property
-----I've done spray-paint graffiti
-----I've shot a real gun
-----I've ran around with my trousers around my ankles
-----I've gotten my butt kicked
-----I've been caught smoking
-----I've milked a cow
-----I've hocked a loogie at someone
-----I've got in a verbal fight with a teacher
I've cheated on someone
Lied one time in this survey
Lied more than once in this survey
-----Threw a party at a friends house when they were gone
Partied every weekend for the last month
Sniffed markers to get high
-----Thought another girl/guy was hot
Huffed a can of spray paint
-----Slept for more than 15 hours at a time
Petted a live tiger
-----Kissed someone in the snow
-----Found a four leaf clover

baby!!!!

2004-12-28T05:05:45Z

baby i miss you so much already and its only been a day. this is such crap. i come home and its perfect but nooooo im always bound south sooner or later. this time sooner. i love you. im excited for certain reasons and i dont like being in this outpost of communication holes and dead phones. when i come back, .....:-D youll see ok bye kiddo i love you

chicago

2004-12-23T06:58:26Z

accomplished in chicago:
nothing productive
got good sushi
got narrowminded sean to eat at a japanese place
crazy fuckin driving downtown
crazy fuckin driving highways
get lost too much
malls
tripping alot
hotels
running around in unbelievably cold
listen to sean's music
pissed off joe
complete obscenity constantly
sleep
and of course like every night out, it ends with police lights

suffering jesus eyes

2004-12-17T09:30:50Z

elePHAnTman2222 (2:54:16 AM): my mom said the most profound thing about you when we were driving
drunkbassguy (2:54:27 AM): what? me??
elePHAnTman2222 (2:54:30 AM): i was talking to her about the bogus things those cops did to you
elePHAnTman2222 (2:54:51 AM): so like she was like "yeah you think they picked on him because of the way he looked?"
elePHAnTman2222 (2:55:05 AM): and i was like " yeah sean kinda looks like a drunk disgruntled man"
elePHAnTman2222 (2:55:24 AM): and then she said "his eyes always looked to me like suffering jesus eyes"
elePHAnTman2222 (2:55:50 AM): i thought it was so right on
elePHAnTman2222 (2:56:51 AM): but like the fact my mom said it, and she doesnt even know anything
elePHAnTman2222 (2:56:56 AM): like hit me hard
elePHAnTman2222 (2:57:04 AM): stupid precognitive mothers
drunkbassguy (2:57:30 AM): your mom obviously thinks about things differently than most
drunkbassguy (2:57:37 AM): and thats always a good thing
elePHAnTman2222 (2:57:38 AM): well i agree with her
elePHAnTman2222 (2:57:48 AM): like i couldnt give a better expression for your eyes sometimes
elePHAnTman2222 (2:57:55 AM): i bet thats why everyone wants to talk to you
drunkbassguy (2:57:57 AM): im going to go stare at myself now

shotgun, wall, brains

2004-12-14T02:50:55Z

im so completely disappointed in myself.
got a 84 on my math final
got a B- in the class
i missed 3 questions i shouldnt have because i knew them
if i had only gotten one more right i would have gotten a B in the class
BLAM

observermissing @ 2004-12-12T01:10:00

2004-12-12T07:11:05Z

el41588: how urs mom diong

where are you

2004-12-11T22:58:22Z

this morning you werent talkative
then you randomly left
ive been calling for hours
3 different phones
where are you?

told to

2004-12-09T06:17:14Z

A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a song:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three to five questions. Ask me anything you want
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

(C) Answer these:
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I
say about you?